Being A Hottie Is An Option

If you are familiar with any of my previous posts you know that I don't believe that you have to thin or skinny to be attractive or sexy. In order to be a true hottie, you have to be self confident and have a positive self image.

Some lucky folks are born with total self confidence. Others need to make some internal changes in order to boost their self confidence and still, others require some external changes in order to boost their self confidence like losing some weight, a new hair style or some great fitting clothes.

Whichever category you fall into, I suggest that now is the time to begin taking steps to boost your self confidence thereby unleashing your inner and outer Hottie.

The most attractive people are not necessarily the prettiest people. They are the ones who are secure enough and confident enough to make other people feel good when they are around them.
Their positivity is infectious and people, darn near fight over their friendship. We all know people like that. They are the ones who always have a kind word to uplift your spirits when they are around because they feel good about themselves and sincerely, feel good about you too.

They often look great too. They think enough of themselves to take care of their appearance and make sure that they are comfortable with their weight or they take steps to improve it. They usually have a wonderful spouse or mate who wouldn't want to live without them because they appreciate the gem, that they have found, in that person.

Time goes by too quickly to spend it feeling unhappy with your situation. If their are things in your life that you have the power to change than you should change them.

It also feels good to help others. The bible says, "blessed is he who is kind to the needy" Prov. 14:21. Taking the focus off of yourself and assisting someone in need is extremely fulfilling and you can't get any hotter than that.

Eating Healthier Requires Being Emotionally Strong

When I changed my diet, in order to lose weight and be healthier ,many of my friends and relatives treated me like I was, plain old, crazy. They thought It was strange that I consistently read labels before eating stuff and they were sure that my giving up red meat and shellfish, was just a fad. Some of them even tried to tempt and test me with delicious smelling homemade dishes.

Instead of getting angry and protesting too much, and letting them know that I thought they were the crazy ones for putting "foods" in their bodies that were hazardous to their health, I kept my cool and calmly passed every test and turned away from every temptation.

I don't judge others by what or how much they eat yet I had to develop a thick skin because I am often judged by what I don't eat. Never the less, many of my family members and friends have started to follow my lead and proudly report to me all the small changes that they make to improve their own diets. I never say "I told you so" or "remember when..." I simply support them to the best of my ability.

Getting Rid Of The Excess

I have become a firm believer in getting rid of whatever is not working in my life. I now appreciate quality as opposed to quantity. I prefer to have three good friends that I can count on then a life full of meaningless relationships.

About twenty years ago, I began deliberately cutting off toxic people from my life and I feel great about it. My definition of a toxic person is someone who drains you emotionally or who, consistently, makes you feel worse after you are in their presence than you did before you were in their presence. Two examples immediately come to mind:

My one girlfriend was an emotional basket case. When we were kids I had to convince her, at least once a week that she should not commit suicide. She also claimed to have chronic back pain and winced and groaned from the pain regularly. Finally one day Michael Jackson came on the television (back when Michael was hot) and, mid groan, she practically back flipped to the television and started jamming. I realized, right then and there, that she had no back pain and no intentions of killing herself.

Even as adults she took more than she gave and was emotionally draining. Finally, we got into an argument and instead of always being the one to call first because she was so fragile, I never did call and I even changed my number. I felt badly about it at first because we were friends for so long but knowing someone for a long time doesn't mean that you have to be saddled with them forever.

My second example was a girl that I met in college. It took me a while to realize that she didn't care much about female friends and that her boyfriend was all that mattered to her. She and I were roommates and her boyfriend roomed with my boyfriend. When the guys weren't with us they hung out together going to parties and they even started up a social fellowship for the guys on campus. Instead of us having fun too, all she wanted to do was sit in the apartment obsessing over her guy or sneaking around campus peering through windows trying to catch her boyfriend in the act of cheating or something. What a waste of time! It took me a minute but I had to cut her off too.

My excess weight was also something that I realized that I had to get rid of. Like friend number one it kept me emotionally drained and unhappy. Like friend number two it had me sitting around at home wasting time because of my lack of confidence. I cut the fat off for my emotional well being and I never looked back.

Burning Calories While Having Fun

Burning Calories doesn't have to be a drag.

I have never joined a traditional gym because I think running to no where on a treadmill or riding on a stationary bike without the benefit of beautiful scenery, is the epitome of boring. I especially don't like being indoors when the weather is nice. Instead I have figured out the activities that I enjoy that also burn calories.

1. I dance in front of the mirror with my four year old daughter. My daughter has energy for days so she motivates me to keep on dancing.

2. I walk with a friend or with my husband. You'll be surprised at how far you can walk when you are engrossed in some good conversation.

3. I ride my bike with my kids and take in the sights of the neighborhood.

4. I play racquetball when my friend invites me to her racquetball club.

5. I work at improving my lawn and my garden.

6. I take the kids for a swim.

7. I play catch and tag with my kids in the yard.

Don't set yourself up for failure by getting a gym membership that you aren't going to use. Assess your personality and then decide if the gym is right for you. If the gym is right for you, consider a YMCA that offers more than just exercise equipment. Find one with a pool, dance classes and an assortment of family activities.

Goal: A Positive Body Image

I have never been skinny and being skinny has never been my goal. Despite all of the images of waif skinny models and extremely thin actresses, I have been able to keep clear and realistic, personal goals for myself regarding my weight. I know the weight range that I am comfortable with and I know the way that I like to look.

My goal is to be healthy and have a positive body image and to promote that among anyone that I come in contact with. A person has a positive body image when they are happy and satisfied with the way her/his body looks. A person has a negative body image when they feel dissatisfied and unhappy with his/her body.

Being skinny is not synonymous with being healthy, in fact being too skinny can be down right dangerous. Many of us have turned to plastic surgery and eating disorders in order to look like some of the ladies and men in the magazines because we have a negative body image.

Thankfully, we can turn a negative body image around while promoting healthy lifestyle changes:

1. Healthy eating can have a positive affect on our weight, promote clearer skin and healthier hair.

2. Exercise boost our energy levels and releases endorphins in your body which makes us feel happy and good about ourselves.

3. Adequate rest (minimum of 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep) fights depression and stress and boost the immune system.

Let's all work on having a positive body image together, shall we?

Lost Weight And Lost Love

I have to share the story of the friend, of a friend of mine, who was finally successful at losing the excess weight but then became unsuccessful in her relationship.


I'll refer to her as Tanya. Tanya was at least fifty pounds over weight the majority of her life when she finally decided to get serious about losing weight. Her live in boyfriend of three years, "Joe", always told her that he loved her just the way she was but she was often the butt of his fat jokes. He chuckled when she joined a gym because he had seen her go through all of this before to no avail.


Tanya was fed up with being overweight. She was also fed up with her boyfriend's lack of faith and his fat jokes. She worked out and she ate less and the weight finally started coming off. As she got closer and closer to her goal weight and started to look really good, Joe became increasingly insecure. He suddenly wanted to keep tabs on her and no longer wanted her to go out with her friends.


Prior to the weight loss, she had no idea that he even had a jealous side. She did, however, begin receiving quit a bit of attention from men including the type of men who, she had no idea, could ever be attracted to her.


Joe's insecurity and jealousy became so unbearable that Tanya eventually left his corny butt, d with complete confidence that she would be dating again soon.

Tanya realized that Joe had taken her for granted for the majority of the three and a half years that they had been together. It also became clear to her that she let him get away with mistreating her because she did not have many other dating prospects. She felt that she was lucky to have him because most of her overweight friends were single and lonely. She preferred to be with Joe than be alone.

This is one instance where the weight loss, which is positive, evoked a negative reaction from a loved one. The end result was not negative, however, because Tanya's confidence boost allowed her to free herself from a toxic relationship.

Unfortunately, your personal improvements will not always meet the approval of others.

My Personal Tricks and Tips

This is not a "How To Lose Weight" list. It is simply a list of the different things that have worked for me over the years.

1.The first weight loss method I ever used as an adult was counting calories. This method worked very well for me because it was a very simple formula: I ate 1200 calories a day for 11 days and lost 5 lbs. It required a short commitment and the results were accurate.

2. I personally can never lose weight by exercising alone. I must control my food intake or I will not get any results. I can actually lose weight with out exercising at all but I will not have the benefit of a more toned body.

3. I must eat breakfast in order to lose weight. Skipping meals has never worked for me.

4. I have lost weight by eating the same amount of food that I usually would but always substituting water for any juices, drinks or sodas that I would have had with my meals.

5. I usually do fifty to seventy crunches every other day.

6. Walking with a friend or while listening to music helps keep the weight off. I am not a power walker, I am talking about regular walking.

7. When my family wants fast food, I usually order a chicken sandwich with a salad and low calorie dressing, then I bum a couple of fries off of each kid.

8. I still use steps but now it's in my two story home, when my four year old is occupied, otherwise she will attempt to follow me up and down and kill my rhythm.

9. When I eat at a buffet nowadays, I eat half as much as I normally would at one time so that I can go back again for seconds and not feel deprived.

10. I snack on carrot sticks.

11. I keep fruits and vegetables in the house.

12. I drink lots of water.

Ideal Weight: The Life Long Challenge

Though I have never gained back enough weight to ever be considered fat again, there have been times when I had to "diet" because I was heavier than, my personal definition of, my ideal weight. My "ideal weight" has also changed as I have gotten older.

I spent the majority of my twenties at my ideal weight of around 122 lbs. I had my son at age 25, gained 30 lbs during the pregnancy, and then went right back down to 122 lbs but there was some regular weight gain throughout that 10 year span and I had to "diet" every now and then. My scary weight was 130 lbs. If I went anywhere near 130 lbs. I would have to lose some weight. I usually gained weight anytime I went on a vacation where there was an unlimited supply of food like on a cruise. I always allowed myself to enjoy a buffet because I knew that I was capable of successfully and easily losing the weight.

Now that I am deep in my thirties and have had two additional children, 130 lbs isn't so scary anymore. I am comfortable as long as my stomach is flat, my legs are toned and my weight is between 127 to 132 lbs.

I can't believe that I just admitted that I am knocking on forties door. I am usually in, big time, denial of my true age. Probably because I still feel so young and because I am blessed to not really look my age. We are all blessed because women and men are no longer considered old at thirty anymore. Actresses like Halle Berry and Jennifer Anniston are, also, making forty look darn good. I am thankful to be alive at a time such as this.

I guess my point is that weight will probably be a life long issue for me. Although most people think that I am naturally thin, I always consider the consequences of what I am about to eat and then I either go for it or I don't.

In my next entry, I will list the weight loss techniques that have worked for me over the years.

Losing Weight: Defying The Haters

When I finally reached a weight that I was comfortable with and could no longer be called a "fat girl", a funny thing happened. Many of the people who teased or chastised me for being over weight began "worrying" about my "sudden" weight loss. Instead of being happy for they had the nerve to start worrying. My own brother, who made fun of me everyday when I was heavier, asked my mom to take me to a doctor to make sure I wasn't malnourished. My aunt, who always had plenty to say about my "big butt", told me that my face was getting "too small". Some of my heavier acquaintances suddenly became very nurturing, sharing snacks and junk food with me, every chance they got.

When you first lose weight you look very different to other people. The change is gradual to you but to others, who may not see you that often, it seems like it happened overnight. On the other hand, it took me quite some time to accept that I wasn't overweight anymore. I continued to wear my larger size clothes for a while, chaffing my stomach with the belt that I had to tighten to keep those big pants up. My mind took it's time accepting that I had actually lost the weight.

There was absolutely nothing sudden about my weight loss. It was a carefully thought out plan. I worked hard for it and the haters kept me strong. Looking back now, I admire my resolve but I know that having some key, supportive people on my side, made losing weight one hundred times easier.

My parents never once called me too fat or too skinny. They never once admonished me for the amount of food that I put on my plate. They truly loved me unconditionally and their love gave me the strength to do what I did, on my own, at 14 years old.

You have to lose weight for your own good because pleasing everyone else is impossible.

The Weight Loss: Goodbye Invisible Girl

My life changed completely after I lost weight. I was just a freshman in high school when the great weight loss occured. Prior to losing the weight, it was as though I was invisible, at least to anyone of the opposite sex who was outside of my circle of friends. I didn't realize it then because I had nothing to compare it to. Maybe I was slightly aware of it because my slimmer girlfriends got attention from male strangers while I got none. Thankfully, I didn't suffer too much because I had a "great personality" and had quite a few friends, both male and female, throughout elementary and junior high school. Of course, all the boys just liked me "for a friend".

I was over weight from about third grade to the middle of my freshman year. I remember deciding that I didn't want to go through high school fat. I cut out all of the junk food, giving up the Dipsey Doodles, Cheese Doodles and Kit Kats and I started putting less food on my plate at dinner before people were talking "portion control". I also got my self up everyday and started running up the steps from the 7th to the 15th floor of my parents Brooklyn Coop apartment building. The next thing I knew, the weight melted off of me and my life changed.

I was no longer invisible. Young men and some, not so young, men began noticing me in the street, on the train and everywhere. Guys, who I had known all of my life, were suddenly acting like they wanted to date me instead of just being friends. Even the boy who I had a serious crush on for forever started crushing on me too and eventually gave me my first kiss. Yes, my first kiss came incredibly late. I was 16 years old. That was much later than every one of my girlfriends. They had no idea because I lied and told them that I had kissed my crush way before this. When he finally did kiss me, I had no one to tell.

The point of this introduction to my life is to assure you all that there is a point to sacrificing and losing the weight. You will experience a change and notice a difference in your life and it most likely will be for the better. You will suddenly "appear" before the eyes of people who just didn't see you before and it will feel great.

Does this mean that most people are shallow and judge each other by their appearance?
"Yes."

Should you miss out on the great experience of being healthier, feeling better about yourself and getting a whole lot of new attention?
"Heck No!!!"